Horrible Fanfiction #156: Dibra (part 9), an Invader Zim fanfiction

I’m on break from college now. I had planned on getting more City of Bones reviewed during said break, but unfortunately I forgot to bring the book home with me. So, instead, Dibra.

This is a short chapter, but it’s boring and thus I kept putting off doing it.

Again, due to the author’s incredibly confusing portrayal of Dib/Dibra’s gender identity, I’ve elected to use singular they/them pronouns for the character barring further developments. I honestly do not know what their gender is supposed to be anymore.

Chapter 1

Previous chapter

Oh My Goddess! 82 reviews! I love you people!

TooLaztToLogin – No! You can not eat my head! I need it! And I would never ever consider stopping this story! I love Invader Zim to much to do that!

Reviewer TooLazyToLogin said “cool story if you just stop the story randomly i will eat your head got it?”

I’m starting to recall exactly why it was that I left the Invader Zim fandom.

TheRejectedAngel – You will just have to wait and be patient. I refuse to give spoilers :3

FF.net user TheRejectedAngel wondered if Zim would figure out at some point that female!Dib is not, in fact, a genderbent clone of the original Dib, but the original Dib.

I don’t know if it matters, really. It amounts to the same thing, right? Zim already knows that Dib(ra) has all of Dib’s memories, etc. They didn’t tell Zim that they were a person other than Dib (for example, “I’m Dib’s sister” or “I’m Dib’s cousin”). There’s no dramatic tension here for the author to mine. I hope she doesn’t try anyway.

Sassy girl – I can say with total honesty that Gir will come in around chapter 12

Reviewer Sassy girl asked when Gir would show up.

Yes, there are over 12 chapters of this fic. There are, in fact, sixteen chapters. We’re barely more than halfway through.

Modet11 – Thank you thank you thank you! You were my 80th review! I have officially beaten New Girl! It took me around 17 chapters with New Girl to get 70reviews, while it only took me 8 chapters on this story to get 80! I am so happy! :D

This reviewer just said a lot of badly spelled nonsense to the effect of “I love this fanfic”. Not worth repeating.

Is there a big market for heterosexual!ZaDR out there that I’m unaware of?

I give all my readers a taco as a prize! Enjoy your tacos and this new chapter!

I won’t enjoy either, I suspect.

Chapter 8 – Uh-Oh!

The title of this chapter more or less describes my reaction to this fanfic’s existence.

(Dibra’s POV)

I can’t believe it, Zim wants to eat lunch with me again! I think to myself as I tell him I would love to.

Oh boy! I can’t wait to read more about Zim and Dib eating food!

“We better hurry and get back to class, Zim doesn’t want to face the wrath of Ms. Bitters.” Zim says packing up his blanket.

I walk over to the edge of the roof and look over the wall that is there to keep people from falling off. How am I going to get down? Taking the stairs takes to long, I would be late! I think to myself.

I assume you can get down the same way you got up, kid. Unless Zim is planning on leaving you stranded on the roof, which would… actually be in-character and kind of amusing.

I feel a hand on my shoulder, I look over and see Zim. “Are you ready?” he asks me.

“Ready for what?” I ask him confused.

He pulls out his spider legs. “Ready to get down. Duh, the stairs would take to long.” He tells me.

Are there even stairs down from the roof?

I back away from the alien on the mechanical legs. “Oh t-that’s ok, I d-d-don’t m-mind being l-late.” I stammer quickly as I grip my bag.

Suddenly Zim picks me up bridal style. “What are you afraid of? Heights?” he asks me as he adjusts his hold on me.

I have my eyes closed tightly. “I’m not afraid of heights, I just hate being picked up. I’m worried I’ll be dropped.” I tell Zim as I fling my arms around his neck, burying my head in his neck.

“Zim will not drop you.” He whispers in my ear. “Just open your eyes, you might enjoy this.”

This is Zim, right? Zim from Invader Zim? Zim, the small green alien who spends most of his time coming up with ridiculous plans to destroy/conquer Earth? That’s who we’re supposedly reading about here?

I do as he asks because I know if I don’t, he will refuse to move and we will be late to class.

Man, what a healthy relationship dynamic these two have! Apparently the author has decided to make Zim and Dib nothing like Zim and Dib in order to ship them, but she’s still going to make their relationship unhealthy! Cool! The worst of both worlds!

Zim makes his way over to the fall-safe wall and when I think that he is going to walk down the wall…he jumps!

I had no time to scream or close my eyes before we hit the ground. I had watched the whole thing and it had been amazing!

If you had no time to react, how amazing could it really look? C’mon.

Also, Skool isn’t a tall building. This isn’t impressive. I don’t even think Skool is taller than 1 story. Wasn’t Zim basically in a crawlspace above the first floor in “Dark Harvest”?

Zim slowly retracts his spider legs and then lowers me gently to my feet.

“That was amazing Zim!” I squeal in delight. I throw my arms around his neck, giggling.

I feel him tense up before he relaxes and wraps his arms around my waist.

Are we sure that this is Invader Zim fanfiction? There isn’t some other work out there about two characters named Zim and Dib? Maybe this was just a mix-up on the part of the author. Maybe she doesn’t actually think that Zim and Dib from Invader Zim could behave like this.

Stop hugging the alien menace! My male self screams at me.

No! Stop telling me what to do! If I want to hug him, I will! I yell back at him.

I know this is just a cheap writing device/excuse for internal debating, but I feel a little worried for Dib(ra). Kid appears to be going through some sort of gender/identity crisis, and it’s making them want to hug aliens.

He wants to destroy man-kind and you’re hugging him! You really have gone crazy!

Shut up, your voice is stupid. I tell him quoting my sister.

I still have no clue why Dib(ra)’s personality would shift so drastically just as a result of being in a different-sexed body. Hormonal shifts could account for some changes, but probably not changes of the “I used to hate alien life, but now I want to go on picnic dates with aliens!” sort. It could be simply that they’re in a good mood, since they view this as their chance at a fresh start, but that would imply that Dib has wanted to be dating aliens all along and is taking this as an opportunity to achieve their dreams.

Yeah, maybe it’s that.

“We better hurry to class.” Zim tells me.

“Oh, right.” I say, unwrapping myself from his neck. 

Dib’s new gender is “scarf”, I guess.

I readjust my bag before following Zim inside the skool.

Kids are still hurrying to their classes so I determine I have a couple more minutes. I dodge through the crowd, trying not to get lost in the bodies.

I feel someone grab my wrist and yank me into a classroom. I fall to the floor when they release me and grab my poor abused appendage.

Please do not refer to your wrist as a “poor abused appendage” anymore.

“Looks like your bodyguard isn’t here to save you now.” An angry voice says.

I look up and see the one person I had hoped would leave me alone…Torque Smacky.

Oh no.

Short chapter but very dramatic…I think.

Short chapter but very difficult for me to plow through, more like.

I hate Torque Smacky so much! 

Yeah, I can tell, but I don’t even know why. As the kids at Skool go, he doesn’t seem all that bad. He’s a bit of a bully, sure, but basically all of them are. Both “Dark Harvest” and “Rise of the Zitboy” portrayed him as a victim, which had the effect of casting him in a sympathetic light. Dislike him, sure, but what’s he done to make the author hate him?

The next chapter was very painful to write, but it had to be done.

No, it really didn’t. I don’t even know what the next chapter is but I assure you that whatever you wrote did not need to be written, and probably should not have been written.

Please review, if I can reach 100 reviews I will give you all a special gift! I won’t spoil the surprise but it involves a penguin. :)

(Gaz voice) Whatever.

6 Responses to “Horrible Fanfiction #156: Dibra (part 9), an Invader Zim fanfiction”

  1. Whole L33t Bread Says:

    Thank you for putting up with this you magnificent human being.

  2. Inbar Ink Says:

    If the next chapter is an attempted rape scene, I will punch a teddy bear (what’s this thing rating, anyway?)

  3. Progeny Ex Machina Says:

    Object Class: Scarf
    [/pointless joke from a completely different fandom]

    …I don’t even. Ugh. This is not bad in a funny way, this is bad in a bad way. There’s no awful spelling or ludicrously over-the-top perversion of canon to distract from the world’s most cliched OOCification and the utterly wrong treatment of gender. *headdesk*

    I like to think I’ve never written anything quite this terrible, even when I set out to write something intentionally bad for kicks (which happens weirdly often, and as I discovered just yesterday, might be an effective way for me to cope with anxiety…go figure).

  4. Fukawa-chan Says:

    Gh…I forgot this story even existed…
    What a…pleasant…surprise. How much longer do you think this’ll take, exactly?

  5. Chapter 12 is hell. Just letting you know, Skep.

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