Horrible Fanfiction #153: Dibra (part 6), an Invader Zim fanfic

Guys, I am so sorry. It’s not that I haven’t had time; it’s just that I’ve been prioritizing other things over THW, and I do feel pretty bad about that.

You’ll be getting more Fifty Shades soon (possibly today or tomorrow?), but until then, here, have more Dibra.

Chapter 1

Previous chapter

Yeah, so the surprise is a short chapter in Zim’s POV! Go Zim’s POV!

Zim’s POV isn’t surprising. We had that for part of last chapter. This being a short chapter isn’t that surprising either, but it is a relief for me.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed! It made me so happy and I have 42 reviews already! Do you realize it took me 17 chapters of New Girl to get around 73 reviews? I bet it will only take me another 3 updates before reaching 70, good for you guys! You make me so happy! :)

I looked on her profile for her “New Girl” fic but couldn’t find it. Perhaps she’s taken it down since.

HiddenShadows798 – I have no clue why the ostrich wanted a piranha…maybe it is like a penguin and eats fish…or maybe its going to put them in a public swimming pool! That would be funny! :P

That’s not really that funny.

Well I have nothing else to say. So sit back, relax, enjoy a meatball with a friend, and read on :3

Chapter 5 – A Chat With A PAK

Talking PAKs? Can PAKs talk?

(Zim’s POV)

The Dibra-female is reading her book while the horrible scary Earth teacher goes on a rant on how the Earth is doomed. As if Zim didn’t already know this, I am going to destroy the Earth!

So, the Dib-human broke his pathetic neck? Excellent, now there is nobody in Zim’s way to the destruction of this pitiful dirt planet! I think to myself. Although I would have liked to end the Dib-smell myself, this is good too.

I feel like Zim would be a lot more vocal about how glad he is that Dib’s died, screaming about his victory, etc., until it finally hits him that Dib died and he didn’t get to kill him. At which point he’d probably scream some more. Point is, he’s being awfully quiet.

But Dibra has all of Dib’s previous memories, she knows everything about you. Every fight you’ve had , every weapon, every plan you’ve ever made that Dib had stopped.My PAK reasons with me.

It’s not canon that PAKs can communicate with the Irkens they’re attached to, and, honestly, it’s pretty dumb. This is the Zimfic equivalent of Ana’s “subconscious”.

That is true, if the Dibra-human wanted to, she could stop Zim based on what she knows.

Nonsense! She is just like the Dib-stink, what makes you think she isn’t a failure like he was? I demand.

Hey buddy, I’m only trying to help. You don’t have to listen to me, I’m only your BRAIN! When do you ever listen to me?My PAK snaps at me before making any further contact unavailable.

If Zim’s PAK is supposed to be serving as a voice of reason, then it should probably point out that Dib and Zim are both failures whose attempts at one-upping the other are ultimately pointless anyway. Just sayin’.

I look over at the she-beast. She is reading her book again. I notice how her orangey eyes are sparked with interest at what the book has to tell her. I notice how her hair looks so soft and frames her face gently. Zim wants to run his fingers through it, Zim wants the she-female to look at Zim with those interested eyes…

Well, this is incredibly dumb.

No, it really is. Setting aside that Zim thinks all human life is disgusting and hideous, why the sudden attraction to Dib? Is Dib just that much hotter as a girl?

WHAT? What is this strange thing Zim feels? PAK, I demand you tell Zim what is wrong with him! I shout to my metal brain on my back.

“You’re poorly written, Zim. Sorry. There’s no cure.”

Body scan under way. Result – everything is working properly, there is nothing wrong. My PAK tells me.

Then what is Zim feeling? I question.

Research indicates that you are feeling what humans call…a crush.

Of course, a crush. Zim does want to crush every human on this dirtball planet…but…why does Zim only feel like this towards the Dibra-female?

No you idiot! A crush is what a human will feel for someone they like. My PAK snaps at me.

Why does Zim instantaneously have a crush on female-bodied!Dib, though? It makes negative sense. Nothing about Dib’s personality has shifted (other than him being out of character now), and Zim hasn’t interacted with girly-Dib enough to pick up on that anyway. So this is entirely based on appearance. Let me remind you that Zim thinks all human life is disgusting. Let me remind you that Irkens don’t even reproduce sexually. Now, okay, how the fuck does this make any sense?

Zim doesn’t understand. 

Me neither, Zim. Me neither.

You confuse Zim with your words of lies! I scream in my head.

My PAK sighs, which is weird because it doesn’t have a mouth. Lets put this in a way someone like you can understand. You know what the term “mate” means right? My PAK asks me like Zim is stupid or something.

Duh! I’m not a smeet. I snap at my PAK.

Well, a crush is what a human would feel towards someone they are considering as a possible mate. My PAK tells me.

Irkens don’t mate! They’re all grown in test tubes! I can understand that Zim might know the term — he’s at least somewhat familiar with several other alien species, some of whom very likely do have sexual reproduction — but there’s no reason for him to feel any sort of mating impulse. IRKENS CANNOT MATE. IT’S NOT EVEN POSSIBLE. Jesus, this is so dumb.

“WHAT? YOU MEAN I HAVE FEELINGS FOR THE SHE-HUMAN? IMPOSSIBLE, ZIM LIKES NO ONE!”

The classroom around me grows quiet instantly and all eyes are on me.

“I said that out loud, didn’t I?” I ask nobody in particular. 

…was the entire chapter a setup for this joke?

Everyone nods and the teacher growls at me. I cautiously look over at Dibra, she is looking at me with her head tilted to the right. Almost like she is examining me, trying to figure out what is going through my mind.

The surprise was Zim looking like an idiot! Hahaha jk!

Yes, it seems it was.

I love Zim and writing this chapter was a treat. 

For who? Certainly not your readers.

But I need to get on the ball and start writing again, I am almost caught up! I don’t want to be caught up, I like being ahead of schedule. It is so easy just to publish an already written chapter, if course these author notes are something I write before publishing.

It can’t take you long to write these things. I mean, you don’t even proofread. Or you do proofread, you just proofread very badly. Look at this nonsense.

Next chapter is already typed but I’m not going to publish it until I have written chapter 8…and I’m on chapter 7… maybe if you review I shall have the energy to type up awesomness to give you readers.

I’m not sure you are capable of typing “awesomeness”. In fact, I’m fairly sure you are not, since you didn’t even manage to spell the word correctly.

So I give you all bedtime muffins, because I go to bed now. It is 1:23am…hahahaha thats funny! :P

That’s not funny. You’re not funny, author.

Continue reading here.

13 Responses to “Horrible Fanfiction #153: Dibra (part 6), an Invader Zim fanfic”

  1. The sad thing is that I bet we can all see shades of our younger selves in the author.

    At least I can.

  2. That was a very disappointing surprise. But, I now realize that I’m reading /this/ and not some intricately thought-out story.
    … I’m being a hypocrite on this subject. I’ll admit, writing quality was extremely similar to hers back in my early writing days – even now, I still have a lot to learn about creating stories.
    Just thinking about horrible fanfiction, it makes me cringe how FSoG was ever published. No thought was put into it whatsoever. The only thing that book’s decent for is to make a fire to cook my leftover spaghetti if the power ever goes out.

  3. randomportalfan Says:

    Wow. That was absolutely TERRIBLE. Good Goodness! I never really had an early phase of Zim obsession, I just am. Sometimes I scream out GIR quotes just because.

  4. The Skep has returned! Hurrah!

    So you said “IRKENS CANNOT MATE. IT’S NOT EVEN POSSABLE” at which point my obnoxious brain went “So Skep, would you say this IRKS you?”

    Ahh, bad puns. They are the point of my existence.

  5. Oh lord, if the PAK is his subconscious, would that make his antennae (only using it for the Zimfic cliché…) his “Inner Tallest”?

    …I’ll just stand in the corner now…

  6. Waffle2789 Says:

    HOLY CRAP GUYS ITS ONLY BEEN 16000 YEARS SINCE THE LAST BLOG POST ON THE HALF WORLD!!![/not trying to be insulting I know you have a life]

    Aside from that, though, what was the point of this chapter? It was even shorter than the other chapters, accomplished virtually nothing, and…it doesn’t even need to exist. I mean, you could remove this chapter from the fic, and absolutely nothing would happen.

    This is my problem with new fanfic writers. They hear about fics like My Immortal, and think that as long as they have pristine grammar, that they’re set. And so many people are fooled by that, writers and viewers alike! It pisses me off to no freaking end.

    I mean, sure, you COULD get a proofreader, or at least try to ask the audience what you could do better [so long as you don’t let them take it over], but NOOOOOO! “That would take so much time, I gotta get the fic out now!!”

    And they don’t even TRY ANYMORE! I mean, they try to be funny through random humor instead of actual, well built-up jokes. The characterization is a running flaw I see in the fics you MST— it feels like they got a monkey and put it in front of a typewriter. The sad moments feel tacked on, excessive gore, character clothing, etc.

    …I’m sorry. The post was originally just supposed to be that first paragraph. I just…I got carried away. I just like ranting.

    • Waffle2789 Says:

      Wait, I just took a closer look, and apparently the author said it was a short chapter herself. [Pretty sure it’s a girl.] Doesn’t change the fact it’s useless.

      Also, if you want to disregard this rant, go right ahead. I have realized that it, in fact, may be useless as well. :P

  7. Good God. This entire fic is just born from a twisted tween obsession. And it’s kinda true that I can, indeed, spot my early years in here- it’s painful. Wretchedly painful.

  8. Galaxeiia Says:

    Welp, I think I can see some of my old self in her, but instead of early teens, I’d say late childhood(my first Zimfic might have been made when I was about 10 or 11, about 4 years ago).

    Second hand feeling of embarrassment.

  9. Maran Zelde Says:

    Oh Lord, this fanfic and sporking reminds me why I left the IZ fandom for a few years. There are just way too many so-called fangirls who have no real understanding of the characters. The one mitigating factor is that at least this author seems to know she’s writing crap while she’s taking a break from writing her other fanfic. The problem is, she should’ve let this sit in her hard drive where no one else would read it.

    Zim was sort of IC in the previous chapter, so it was a bit of a let-down when he started the whole talking-to-his-PAK nonsense, to say nothing of his crush on the Sue who replaced Dib.

    OTOH, your comments are very refreshing, especially the analysis of Dib and Zim. I love finding anyone else who really GETS them.

  10. Insignificant Worm Says:

    Oh dear Skepkitty, don’t you know that all Rule 63 must be extremely attractive regardless of the physical characteristics of the original character? That is how it always is. In addition to that, welcome back! I know that this will be late by the time you read this, but you can just delete it anyway.

  11. Cursing Enthusiast Says:

    These ANs remind me of the games my friends and I used to play in preschool. But we were four, so I have an excuse.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: