Horrible Fanfiction #153: Dibra (part 6), an Invader Zim fanfic
Guys, I am so sorry. It’s not that I haven’t had time; it’s just that I’ve been prioritizing other things over THW, and I do feel pretty bad about that.
You’ll be getting more Fifty Shades soon (possibly today or tomorrow?), but until then, here, have more Dibra.
Yeah, so the surprise is a short chapter in Zim’s POV! Go Zim’s POV!
Zim’s POV isn’t surprising. We had that for part of last chapter. This being a short chapter isn’t that surprising either, but it is a relief for me.
Thank you to everyone who reviewed! It made me so happy and I have 42 reviews already! Do you realize it took me 17 chapters of New Girl to get around 73 reviews? I bet it will only take me another 3 updates before reaching 70, good for you guys! You make me so happy! :)
I looked on her profile for her “New Girl” fic but couldn’t find it. Perhaps she’s taken it down since.
HiddenShadows798 – I have no clue why the ostrich wanted a piranha…maybe it is like a penguin and eats fish…or maybe its going to put them in a public swimming pool! That would be funny! :P
That’s not really that funny.
Well I have nothing else to say. So sit back, relax, enjoy a meatball with a friend, and read on :3
Chapter 5 – A Chat With A PAK
Talking PAKs? Can PAKs talk?
The Dibra-female is reading her book while the horrible scary Earth teacher goes on a rant on how the Earth is doomed. As if Zim didn’t already know this, I am going to destroy the Earth!
So, the Dib-human broke his pathetic neck? Excellent, now there is nobody in Zim’s way to the destruction of this pitiful dirt planet! I think to myself. Although I would have liked to end the Dib-smell myself, this is good too.
I feel like Zim would be a lot more vocal about how glad he is that Dib’s died, screaming about his victory, etc., until it finally hits him that Dib died and he didn’t get to kill him. At which point he’d probably scream some more. Point is, he’s being awfully quiet.
But Dibra has all of Dib’s previous memories, she knows everything about you. Every fight you’ve had , every weapon, every plan you’ve ever made that Dib had stopped.My PAK reasons with me.
It’s not canon that PAKs can communicate with the Irkens they’re attached to, and, honestly, it’s pretty dumb. This is the Zimfic equivalent of Ana’s “subconscious”.
That is true, if the Dibra-human wanted to, she could stop Zim based on what she knows.
Nonsense! She is just like the Dib-stink, what makes you think she isn’t a failure like he was? I demand.
Hey buddy, I’m only trying to help. You don’t have to listen to me, I’m only your BRAIN! When do you ever listen to me?My PAK snaps at me before making any further contact unavailable.
If Zim’s PAK is supposed to be serving as a voice of reason, then it should probably point out that Dib and Zim are both failures whose attempts at one-upping the other are ultimately pointless anyway. Just sayin’.
I look over at the she-beast. She is reading her book again. I notice how her orangey eyes are sparked with interest at what the book has to tell her. I notice how her hair looks so soft and frames her face gently. Zim wants to run his fingers through it, Zim wants the she-female to look at Zim with those interested eyes…
Well, this is incredibly dumb.
No, it really is. Setting aside that Zim thinks all human life is disgusting and hideous, why the sudden attraction to Dib? Is Dib just that much hotter as a girl?
WHAT? What is this strange thing Zim feels? PAK, I demand you tell Zim what is wrong with him! I shout to my metal brain on my back.
“You’re poorly written, Zim. Sorry. There’s no cure.”
Body scan under way. Result – everything is working properly, there is nothing wrong. My PAK tells me.
Then what is Zim feeling? I question.
Research indicates that you are feeling what humans call…a crush.
Of course, a crush. Zim does want to crush every human on this dirtball planet…but…why does Zim only feel like this towards the Dibra-female?
No you idiot! A crush is what a human will feel for someone they like. My PAK snaps at me.
Why does Zim instantaneously have a crush on female-bodied!Dib, though? It makes negative sense. Nothing about Dib’s personality has shifted (other than him being out of character now), and Zim hasn’t interacted with girly-Dib enough to pick up on that anyway. So this is entirely based on appearance. Let me remind you that Zim thinks all human life is disgusting. Let me remind you that Irkens don’t even reproduce sexually. Now, okay, how the fuck does this make any sense?
Zim doesn’t understand.
Me neither, Zim. Me neither.
You confuse Zim with your words of lies! I scream in my head.
My PAK sighs, which is weird because it doesn’t have a mouth. Lets put this in a way someone like you can understand. You know what the term “mate” means right? My PAK asks me like Zim is stupid or something.
Duh! I’m not a smeet. I snap at my PAK.
Well, a crush is what a human would feel towards someone they are considering as a possible mate. My PAK tells me.
Irkens don’t mate! They’re all grown in test tubes! I can understand that Zim might know the term — he’s at least somewhat familiar with several other alien species, some of whom very likely do have sexual reproduction — but there’s no reason for him to feel any sort of mating impulse. IRKENS CANNOT MATE. IT’S NOT EVEN POSSIBLE. Jesus, this is so dumb.
“WHAT? YOU MEAN I HAVE FEELINGS FOR THE SHE-HUMAN? IMPOSSIBLE, ZIM LIKES NO ONE!”
The classroom around me grows quiet instantly and all eyes are on me.
“I said that out loud, didn’t I?” I ask nobody in particular.
…was the entire chapter a setup for this joke?
Everyone nods and the teacher growls at me. I cautiously look over at Dibra, she is looking at me with her head tilted to the right. Almost like she is examining me, trying to figure out what is going through my mind.
The surprise was Zim looking like an idiot! Hahaha jk!
Yes, it seems it was.
I love Zim and writing this chapter was a treat.
For who? Certainly not your readers.
But I need to get on the ball and start writing again, I am almost caught up! I don’t want to be caught up, I like being ahead of schedule. It is so easy just to publish an already written chapter, if course these author notes are something I write before publishing.
It can’t take you long to write these things. I mean, you don’t even proofread. Or you do proofread, you just proofread very badly. Look at this nonsense.
Next chapter is already typed but I’m not going to publish it until I have written chapter 8…and I’m on chapter 7… maybe if you review I shall have the energy to type up awesomness to give you readers.
I’m not sure you are capable of typing “awesomeness”. In fact, I’m fairly sure you are not, since you didn’t even manage to spell the word correctly.
So I give you all bedtime muffins, because I go to bed now. It is 1:23am…hahahaha thats funny! :P
That’s not funny. You’re not funny, author.