Horrible Fanfiction #150: Dibra (part 3), an Invader Zim fanfic
I’m sorry for the delay, guys. I’ve been getting adjusted to college life, and using my free time to read Super Dangan Ronpa 2 (which is a Japanese video game, but, as it doesn’t have an official English translation, I’ve been reading a fan-translated Let’s Play of the game) — as well as, y’know, doing college stuff like hanging out with my roommate and going to various events on campus.
But here it is. More Dibra.
Hello readers of my story. I know I updated yesterday, but I didn’t want to wait any longer. I have nothing else to do.
Nothing else? Come on. I’m sure you could think of something better to do if you tried.
It strikes me that the author is trying awfully hard to justify having written this.
So this is where the story picks up dramatically.
Let’s hope, because so far it’s been boring as heckie.
It is also the longest chapter I have written so far.
…Well, let’s look on the bright side: the chapters were pretty short to begin with, so maybe this one won’t be that long.
Disclaimer – I do not own Invader Zim, if I did every episode would have a random ostrich running through it.
LOL LOOK AT ME I’M PRINCESS-OF-YOUR-DOOM95 AND I AM SO RANDOM LOL
Chapter 2 – What Happened To Me?
Cold water hits my face and I jolt awake. Upon sitting up, I am grabbed by my collar and come really close to Gaz’s angry face.
Well, that’s awkward phrasing.
“Who the hell are you and why are you wearing my dorky brother’s clothes?” she demands as she tightens her grip on me.
“G-Gaz, i-its m-m-me.” I stutter as I try to pull back for some face space.
She throws me to the ground and I stand up. I turn my gaze to the mirror and scream again. In the mirror is not the image I have grown accustomed to seeing, even if it is really fuzzy.
Why is his vision fuzzy? He’s got his glasses on, right? I don’t remember if it was mentioned in the last chapter, but I assumed he put them on when he got dressed.
From what I can tell with my now blurry vision, in the mirror is a girl with jet black hair that frames her face.
Your vision was always blurry, Dib. Hence the glasses.
Her eyes are somewhat hidden by thick glasses, but you can still see her amber irises.
Oh, so female-bodied!Dib doesn’t actually need glasses. Got it.
…why not, though? It seems like a weird thing to change. Certainly not sex-specific.
She is wearing my clothes, but the jeans and trench coat are to big, and the shirt is way to small for her breasts.
Hey, is Dib any shorter now? You’d think that’d be tricky to adjust to.
Also would explain why his jeans are too big. As I pointed out last chapter, they should actually be too small through the hips now.
My guess is she is a B cup, like Gaz.
Uh, why do you know your sister’s cup size? Unless you do her laundry or something, that’s kinda creepy.
Also, B-cup isn’t that big. Small side of average, actually. So either Dib is in the habit of wearing skintight shirts, or the author thinks a B-cup is bigger than it actually is. His shirts should be, at most, a bit tight across the chest, assuming he wears a men’s small or medium.
But, what would I know, I’m only a guy who’s never had a girlfriend.
Could it be because you’re always accusing people of being aliens? Just a thought.
“You’re my lame older brother?” Gaz asks me skeptically. “Yeah right, sister.
I seriously doubt Gaz would ever call anybody “sister”, but okay.
Firstly my brother is a boy, not a girl. And secondly, in no way would my brother be hot if he was a girl.”
Oh, so Dib’s not just a girl, he’s a hot girl. Naturally.
By the way, if you guys are wondering why I’m still using male pronouns for Dib, it’s because we don’t have proof at this point that he’s mentally female now. In fact, when describing himself just now he spoke about the “girl” in the mirror as though she were a stranger. Clearly he doesn’t identify as female, at least not yet. For now, I’m sticking with male pronouns.
“But, I am Dib.” I protest as I hold my hand up to the glass. The image in the mirror moves with me and I scream again.
Well, if nothing else, this made him screamier.
“Shut up!” my sister growls. “God, you sound like a damn cheerleader who discovered a brown hair on her empty blonde head.
Do blondes get brown hairs? Is that a thing? I really don’t know. Maybe I should ask my sister sometime.
If you really are my stupid brother, tell me something only Dib would know.” She demands with her hands on her hips.
Clichéd scene time!
“Like what?” I ask her, turning away from my shocking appearance.
“Tell me Dib’s favorite pastime.” She challenges.
“Investigating the paranormal and preventing Zim from taking over the world.” I say instantly in a monotone voice.
Gaz crosses her arms and squints at me. “That was to easy, any dumb monkey could have told me that.”
I shrug and look at my hand, which now has nails on it! I have fucking nails!
I think you always had fingernails, Dibbers. Do you mean long fingernails?
“What curse did Dib give me, that made me destroy his haunted gummy bear collection?” Gaz demands.
I shudder at the memory of that horrible experience. “I used a spell point to give you the Sense of the Shadow Hog, which made it so you could only eat hot dogs.”
“Why did I save Dib’s ass from Zim?” she asks me, her arms still crossed.
“Which time?” I counter.
“Zim’s space station.” She replies smirking.
“Simple. It was your turn to pick where family night was, but dad wouldn’t go to Bloaty’s Pizza Hog unless I was there with both of you. You also saved me from being turned inside out. Zim came after us, but he was freaked out by the Bloaty Bots.” I snicker behind a long finger-nailed, slender, girly hand.
Did Dib ever snicker behind his hand in the show? I can’t think of an example. Doesn’t mean he never did, but, nonetheless, it’s at least not something he does often. Having a new body doesn’t make you change your body language immediately, I don’t think.
It could, technically, mean that, since this is fantasy. I don’t really know the extent of Dib’s female-ness now. Though we refer to it as “genderbending” when a character winds up in an opposite-sex body, sex and gender are separate things. Dib’s a different sex now, but the story has yet to demonstrate that he’s changed genders.
(In case any of you guys don’t know the difference, allow me to briefly explain. Sex is biological, determined by chromosomes and hormones. If your chromosomes are XX and you were born with a vulva, your sex is female. If your chromosomes are XY and you were born with a penis, your sex is male. There are intersex people who can be said to be both, neither, or somewhere in-between, but for the most part that’s how sex works. Gender, on the other hand, is mental. Most biologically male people identify as boys/men, and most biologically female people identify as girls/women, but that’s not always the case. Dib could still consider himself a guy even though he now has a female body.)
Gaz uncrosses her arms and actually looks shocked for once. “You are Dib…nobody knows about that except for me, him, and Zim.”
“Told ya.” I say smugly as I hike my pants back up.
That sentence could be taken out of context.
“What the hell happened to you? You’re a girl for fucks sake!” she screams at me.
I doubt Gaz would care. Been a while since I watched much Zim, but, if I recall correctly, she generally isn’t interested in anything but gaming and pizza.
I hold up my hands in defeat. “I don’t know! I just woke up, got dressed, and came in here where I saw my blurry reflection.” I explain.
“You forgot the part where you screamed and passed out.” My sister snickers. I growl at her and flip my long black hair out of my face. “Ok, what did you do last night?” Gaz asks me when she finally stopped laughing.
I scratch my head and think. “Nothing. I came home from skool, did homework, made dinner, and slept on the roof. Strange thing is, I woke up in my room and not on the roof.” I tell her.
“Anything happen while you were on the roof?” she asks me.
Again, why does she care?
I shake my head. “No…well I did wish on a shooting star, but that’s nothing.” I tell her as I straighten my shirt.
“What exactly did you wish?” Gaz asks me, curiosity laced throughout her voice.
Gaz is curious? About something involving Dib?
I call bullshit.
I think this is the longest we have ever talked without her telling me to shut up or she’ll kick my ass.
“Umm…I think I wished that I could start over and that everything was different.” I tell her.
“Well there you go. “She tells me like I’m stupid. “You wished to be different, so you were turned into a girl.”
But that’s not “starting over”. In fact, if Dib still identifies as male, this has only made his life worse. Even if he identifies as female now, I don’t see how this makes things any better.
“Yeah, a girl who can’t fucking see!” I exclaim as I wave a hand in front of my face, but I can’t see it. I can only see the color.
Gaz reaches for my glasses. “Here you retard.” She says taking them off. Suddenly I can see everything with such intense detail that I never got with them on as a boy.
I don’t understand why female-bodied!Dib can see fine. Removing his glasses seems like a pointless detail to change, and it doesn’t even really make sense. Why?
“You look a lot cuter without them.” Gaz comments as she hands them back to me.
Oh. That’s why.
I look over in the mirror. She was right! Instead of a blurry vision I can see everything. My hair reaches the middle of my back and has layers, my bangs are long and keep falling in my eyes, speaking of eyes…my eyes are still an amber color, and I look really cute.
So Dib has not just been turned into a girl; he’s been turned into a cute girl. Of course.
I smile at my reflection and wow…just wow…if I was a boy and some girl looked like this, I would totally date her.
“So what am I going to do? How long am I going to be like this?” I ask Gaz, who shrugs her shoulders.
“I don’t know, but you need some new clothes. Those aren’t going to work for your new girly body, Dib.” She points out as my pants fall down.
That seems like convenient timing.
I quickly pull them back up, blushing furiously.
“Sorry, Gaz.” I apologize.
Let’s just get you some damn clothes, so I can go to the fucking hell-hole we call a skool and meet up with my friends.”
Gaz has friends? What the heckie?
She says walking out of the bathroom.
I follow after her. “What did you call me?” I ask as we walk down the second floor stairs and onto the main floor.
“Dibra. Like Debra, but with Dib.” She tells me, giving me a “duh!” look.
She turns to the door leading to my dad’s labs, which he uses when he’s forced to take vacation days.
Membrane isn’t forced to take vacation days. Come on. This is the guy who goes out to eat with his kids once a year. He’s always busy. Nobody can stop him from being busy.
“Yes, but why?” I ask as I follow her into the basement lab.
Gaz sighs and looks at me with her squinted eyes. Her attitude clearly said “Shut the fuck up or I kill you.”
That’s her normal attitude, to be fair.
“I called you Dibra, because you are now a damn girl. Girls aren’t called Dib, that’s a boy’s name.” she tells me. Her tone warns me against asking anymore questions, so I just nod and keep my mouth shut.
I have to say, I really dislike the way the fic is jumping right from “Dib is magically given a female body” to “Dib now identifies as female”, as if the two are interchangeable.
Then again, the author probably thinks they are.
Of course, it’s perfectly fine if magically being given a female body made Dib magically switch gender identities. It’s fucking magic. It can work however the author wants it to work. But, look, having a female body and being a girl are not the same thing. For Dib to be a girl now, some mental change has to take place as well, not just a physical change.
Gaz looks around a couple of the machines before stopping in front of a circular pod with a computer attached to it. “Get in.” Gaz orders as she points to the pod. She glares at me, daring me to argue or ask why. I keep my mouth shut and walk over to the doors, which slide open automatically.
I get in the pod and turn around just as the doors close behind me. I can’t see through what had appeared to be clear glass when I saw it before walking in. I start to feel like I’m trapped…and I had every right to.
The pod is filled with a blinding white light and I lift a hand up to shield my eyes. As suddenly as it had come, the light was gone and the doors opened once more.
Wait. What the hell just happened?
Yep, it happened. Dib is a chick.
Dudeguy – You are a spoiler, you spoiled it for others.
Dudeguy’s comment was “Dib’s gonna get turned into a girl, isn’t he?”
I should point out that the title of the story, and the author’s summary, made this obvious even without reading the actual story.
Oh well, I’m sure the summary spoiled it as well.
See? Even the author knows it’s her fault.
You are forgiven :)
No idea when I’ll post the next chapter, maybe in a couple days. I already have it typed out, but I like staying ahead.
Please review, those who don’t review shall be forced into penguin infested waters and will be eaten by my flightless birds of DOOM!
Please stop trying so hard to be wacky, author. I swear every Zimfic author does this shit, and it’s never funny.