Horrible Fanfiction #125: The Marissa Games, a Portal/The Hunger Games fanfic

I know you’ve all been waiting for this.

I doubt this story requires an introduction, but just in case: This is yet another fic by MarissaTheWriter, author of It’s My Life, Teen Fortress 2, and Invader Zim: Born Again Christian. Unlike her previous fics, this one was posted on Tumblr (for reasons I’ll let her explain). This story is a sequel to It’s My Life and is also a crossover with The Hunger Games, as you can almost certainly tell from the title.

UPDAT: I missed a few caritures so heers the more compleet list!

Oh, how I’ve missed the awful spelling and cheerful nonsense that is MarissaTheWriter. This is going to be fun.

Athors Note: Kay gusys, those JERK FMAERZ went to far this tim. They ceroopted teh Admins AN MADE THEM DELEETED ITS MY LIFE AN INVARER ZIM BORM AGAIN CHRISTAN. 

Hey, leave us FMAERZ out of it. I had nothing to do with this.

So Im down with fanfrictrion.net fourever now. I finded ot that it wasant reglar flame trollz but a spesal groop called “CRITIKS UNITIED”. 

Are they usurping my position as #1 Falmer Troll?

Well theyve bited of more than they can chew! 

On this we can all agree.

My reel fans r revolting an in the meen time on this noo plase Ill putted my noo story THE MARRISSA GAMES.

*cheers, throws confetti*

Its teh officeial seekwill to ITS MY LIFE! 

*more confetti*

Get reddy for INTENSE DRAMAKSHUN, SHOKIN REEVELS, HOT ROMANSE, AN MORE TWISTS THAN U CAN SHAK A STIK AT.

*real confetti this time*

THE MARRISSA GAMES

Pro-log: Cariture Bios

Yeah, so this isn’t an actual chapter. It’s just a bit of a recap for those who haven’t read or can’t remember It’s My Life, as well as introducing MarissaTheWriter’s versions of the Hunger Games cast.

Sinse this ibs a noo site Im podsting on, an my REEL FANS may not be all famliar with the HUNGAR GAMES, Ill do sum cariture bios of all the caritures so eveyone in on teh same page.

Yep.

CARITURES BIOS:

MARRISSA ROBERTS – Im Chells sister but more hot an pretty. I have spesal powers gived to me by the ingineer lick space fly an brething! Aso I have detektive power an MAGA PAWNCH an electic stuff. Im merried to Wheatly an we have a dotter named Chell Junor in onor of my dead sister.

I’m going to be introducing the characters myself since I have nothing better to do in this chapter.

Marissa Roberts – The fic’s resident Sue. Chell’s more attractive, busty sister, who develops powers as they become relevant to the plot after receiving an injection from the Engineer. She and Wheatley have a baby daughter, Chell Junior, who is “half robot ball”.

WHEATLY THE ROBO BALL – Wheetly is my hubby an we luve eachotter very much. He gotted arms an legs now from that JERK BOBOT Altass dead body copse. Sum JERKS thank hes dum but Wheatlys not, hes relay brave an is  POWERFUL BAD ARSE becos hes got the power of love!

IML!Wheatley – An unsurprisingly OOC version of Wheatley who talks almost entirely in vulgar British slang. He used to be a human but was turned into a personality core by Cave Johnson while at “Portal High School”. Not just any human, either — he actually used to be Harry Potter. I wish I were joking. Wheatley now has arms and legs, taken from Atlas after the latter was killed.

CHELL JUNOR – Me an WHeatlys robot ball/human baby. She is veray yung an doesnt do much yet. Mayeb she has my powors? Lol, I havent desided yet.

Chell Junior – The daughter of Wheatley and Marissa, who is half personality core and half human and don’t even ask what that looks like because I don’t want to know. Nothing else is known about her because she was born at the end of It’s My Life, but it’s probable that she’ll turn out to be a Sue like her mother.

GLaDOS – She is teh biggest mean dum goth emo computer women ever!!!212 I killed her fourever an dhw was defeeted an killt by the zomboys from Dead Space.

IML!GLaDOS – Also very OOC, this version of GLaDOS spent most of her time crying and listening to Avril Lavigne music (don’t ask). She and Chell fused together halfway through It’s My Life, but by the end of the story both of them had died so I don’t know why she’s even being listed as a character.

RAT MAN – A guy hoo fites the bad robots lick GLaDOS an ATLAS AN P-POTY! He replased his man thingys wif BALLS OF STEEL an was lost in spase an died or is he? Winkwhinkstoryplotdevelop

IML!Rattman – Mostly notable for having replaced his testicles with the Space and Adventure cores (I kid you not). It’s quite obvious from the above that MarissaTheWriter means to re-involve him in the story.

ATLAS AN P-POBDY – To JERK ROBOTS who aer always smokin drugs an beer an being JERKS. I killed them fourever affer they shot me in the hed.

IML!Atlas and IML!P-body – Both these characters seemed to spend most of their time doing drugs, drinking beer, and lazing about while making life harder for Marissa & co. Like GLaDOS and Chell, both of them died in the last fic so I don’t know why they are on this list.

ATBOD AN P-LAS – Altas an P-Bobys good guy kids. P-Body did a abortion becos she isnt pro-life the b***** I thot but gess not! Tehy are good frends of Haymatch.

Atbod and P-las – The children of Atlas and P-body, identical to their parents but with colors reversed. It appears thus far that they aren’t “DRUGGY JERKS” like their parents.

Now for da new chars!

Well, I can’t introduce these guys, but I can tell you if their descriptions here are anything like their canon personalities.

PRIMOSE EVERGREEN – A yung gilr hoo is been pikked for the Hunger Games. Seh has a petted gote an cat an has inner strenth that u dont wanna mess with!

Eh, well, more or less. Canon!Prim is Katniss’s younger sister; she’s twelve and definitely the more delicate of the two, though she’s very caring and a talented healer. She’s smart and not to be underestimated, which I guess you could call “inner strength”, but it should be emphasized that she is far from being a badass like her sister. And yes, she does have a cat (who hates everyone but her) and a goat (who I assume is more sociable than the cat). By the way, her last name is Everdeen, not Evergreen.

PEETA PITA SANDWICH EATA – Hes a hot guy (but I dont lick him lick that my hart only belongs to Wheatly) an the guy Hunger Game. Theres a spesal sumwon hes lookin out for!

That’s vague but I can’t really take issue with it. For the sake of clarifying, Peeta is District Twelve’s male tribute in the 74th annual Hunger Games (the ones that take place in the first book), he’s the son of a baker, a total non-action guy, and he has a crush on Katniss. Really, even if you haven’t seen the movie or read the books I think you should know this.

KANTISS EVERGREEN – Primp’s olderer sister. Shes a dumb an has feekal incontinence so nobody licks her.

I… what.

I’m sure I don’t have to explain canon!Katniss, but in case I do, she’s a sixteen-year-old girl who volunteers to be in the Hunger Games in place of her sister. She’s a tough and determined type, very much an action girl, whose main talent is archery (illegally hunting for her family has made her very, very good at this).

GALE (I FORGOTE HIS LAST NAME SORRY =( -Kanisss best frend. Hes hidin somethin an waht dose he want with Wheatly?!?!?! FIND OT INSYDE!!@3

Gale’s last name is Hawthorne. Like Peeta, he’s been crushing on Katniss for a while. He’s a lot like Katniss in both personality and looks. I have no idea what he wants with Wheatley.

PIESENDENT SNOW – Teh baddest dude ever! Hes the liter of Crits Unitary an the pres of the plase. He hates Marrissa for some reson an he has a BIG seekrit!!12

Ah, President Snow. Canon!Snow is the president of Panem, and while I’m not sure if he qualifies as the baddest dude ever he certainly is a bad dude. I am guessing that he hates Marissa because she’s an insufferable Sue, but I guess I’ll have to wait and find out.

CRITICS YOUNTIED -A groop of flmer trollz hoo did sterods an got superpowaed up so now theys even wores than the reglar ones! Wif tehere Preisent Snow they taked over the hole plase an a reely meen.

All I know about the real Critics United is that they’re a group of FF.net users who look for stories they don’t like and then mass-report them until they’re deleted off the site. From what I’ve heard, they have a reputation as bullies rather than critics, since they don’t seem to do any actual critiquing. They were responsible for the recent FF.net purge during which MarissaTheWriter’s fics, Forbidden Fruit, and many others were removed.

HAYMISH ABERNATY – Da mentor for me an Prime an Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eater in the GAMES. A reel JERK hoos always druggin an beerin wif hes noo frens ATBOD AN PLAS.

Canon!Haymitch is an alcoholic former Hunger Games victor who mentors Katniss and Peeta, and he’s more of a jerk with a heart of gold than an actual jerk. I’m assuming that Atbod and P-las might not be the “good guy kids” Marissa’s been taking them to be if they’re doing drugs and beer with him, as that’s the mark of a villain in the IMLverse.

OK SO THATS ALL THOSE, GET REDDY FOR CHAPTER 1 SOON OK GUYZ?

Yeah, prepare yourselves.

Continue reading here.

23 Responses to “Horrible Fanfiction #125: The Marissa Games, a Portal/The Hunger Games fanfic”

  1. I think you make a brief appearance in one of the chapters. Though I think you were just mentioned and didnt appear. Its hard for me to read, really because I cant make out half of the misspellings.

  2. Progeny Ex Machina Says:

    Not very nice to call her fans revolting.

  3. Huzzah! Fanfics that are actually funny! Not boring like that OTHER fic!

  4. TobixThexSimsmeister Says:

    Metal balls?

    Okay, now I’m scarred for life.

  5. ch1z1ta Says:

    Oh my god i just can’t wait!

    For Marissathewriter to stop making Fanfiction.

  6. This is great and I love it. Peeta Pita Sandwich Eata? Just brilliant. :D

  7. My guess is Marissa is jealous of Katniss because Katniss is hotter and prettier than she’ll ever be!

  8. Youll also never believe who pops up as a villain a few chapters later. I nearly wet myself laughing when it happened.

  9. I don’t think I’ll ever fully recover from how much I laughed at “PEETA PITA SANDWICH EATA.”

  10. Lymewolf Says:

    I think I cracked up at every misspell of “like”, especially when Marissa describes Katniss. I really don’t know if I would be able to read any of her work that you’ve sporked without laughing.

  11. Ever since I found out that Falmer are enemies from Skyrim, I can’t help thinking the FALMER TROLLS look like this: http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111107091720/elderscrolls/images/archive/5/52/20111124172759!Falmer.jpg

    Also, PEETA PITA SANDWICH EATA. Genius.

  12. I’ve been away for a while now. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!?

  13. Well I don’t know if I like these Critic people if they’re just flat out bullies. :/

    Either way I read this to my brother and he just cracked up. XD So I’m looking forward to more of this.

  14. “PIESENDENT SNOW – Teh baddest dude ever!”
    Ah, but is he a bad enough dude to save the President?

  15. SubjectSeven Says:

    I really wonder how people could take the time to deliberately spell every word THIS badly… I wonder what it’s like in their funny little brains, if swag-status is measured by the amount of ‘spesal maed’ spelling or something.

    This will be a fun MST at least :D (got some catching up to do)

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