Surviving Middle School at Aperture Science MST

Any fic with its own section deserves a proper introduction, so here goes:

Surviving Middle School at Aperture Science is, as the name suggests, a middle school AU fic. Kind of. It’s based on the RP games the author (BoomerangFlower123) and her friends play. Though I’ve only read a few chapters in, from what I have read it’s OOC, nonsensical, and involves the Portal cast in middle-schooler bodies, so that’s reason enough to spork it.

I’ve read some reviews, and while the story has its fans it’s also attracted a fair bit of criticism. Perhaps the fact that it has fans means that the author started doing somethinright in the chapters I haven’t read, or perhaps she has fans simply because there are always people who like poorly conceived fanfiction. This is either going to be bad through and through, which could make an amusing MST, or it’s going to be a mixed bag, which could make an amusing MST. Either way, get ready for some amusement, Halfworlders! If this isn’t amusing enough then that’s my fault and you can demand a refund.

This chapter of the MST was written a while ago (back in January, actually), so keep that in mind. Alright, off we go!

Author’s Note

Hello! This is my 1st story, and I intend it to be at least 20 Chapters long. 

First sentence of the author’s note and I’m already wishing this was over. TWENTY CHAPTERS LONG?

Someone’s got to stop her. Someone please make her stop before she gets that far. I can’t take twenty chapters of preteen Portal characters doing whatever it is preteen Portal characters do.

I’m gonna make tons of stories. 

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU—

I love Portal, so that’s where I’ll begin. 

I love Portal, and I don’t want you to begin there. Begin somewhere else. Like, for example… um… how about just… not beginning? At all? Ever?

Thanks, and enjoy!

(By the way, this takes place after the events of Portal 2.)

I almost put a “spoilers for Portal 2” alert at the beginning of this post, but then I realized that Portal 2 has been out for over a year so I really ought to stop doing that.

Chell was still wandering. That obviously got boring after about a week or so (only since she hadn’t been outside for, like, 20 years) so she decided to head back into Aperture.

You know, writing Chell in character shouldn’t be difficult at all, in theory. She barely has any canon personality to begin with. All we know about her is that she’s incredibly tenacious, tough as nails, silent out of stubbornness rather than some vocal defect (according to the writers), and her dad worked at Aperture. That’s only a handful of traits you need to stick to in order to write her convincingly, yet this author manages to immediately screw it up. Chell, remember, is one stubborn lady. She wouldn’t just waltz back into Aperture unless she had a very good reason, and she wouldn’t be wandering around on the surface either. She’d figure out her next course of action and take it, not drift around aimlessly before returning to Aperture out of boredom.

Hey, Chell thought. Maybe they’ll give me cake! I am so hungry, and GLaDOS totally owes me for promising cake and then trying to drop me into a fiery pit of death. Oh darn. I forgot; The Cake Is a Lie.

You’d think that being around GLaDOS for extended periods of time would give you a better understanding of how sarcasm works.

My sense of Chell as a character is that she’s very pragmatic in her approach to things. It’s part of what makes her such a good test subject. She wouldn’t be thinking “Oh hey maybe I’ll go back there and get cake or something oh right it’s a lie LOL”, because that’s a waste of her time and doesn’t make sense, since she knows she isn’t going to get the cake and that going back to Aperture in search of cake would be a rather silly course of action.

So she wandered her way back to Aperture, dying of hunger….. for cake. 

Rather. Silly. Course of action.

Why did she want cake so bad, you wonder? Well, she hadn’t eaten in what, 20 years or so?

I believe you mean [9999999]. And it’s “badly”, not “bad”, author. Grammar is a nice thing and is not a lie. Please use it in the future.

Finally, she found the shed. Companion Cube lay burned on the ground. 

So, she just… left it there? In front of the shed? She didn’t try to take it with her? The hell.

I know this is minor, but this goes against my headcanon.

She kissed it and apologized for murdering it. 

Did she apologize for abandoning it in front of a shed for a week, too? Because I think she ought to do that.

She explained that she couldn’t pass unless she burned her best buddy. 

If Companion Cube can hear Chell saying this, it could also have heard GLaDOS saying what Chell needed to do in order to complete the test. I’m just saying.

She picked it up. It was quite a bit heavier than it was when the Portal Gun held it. 

Yeah, well, it ain’t called the Weighted Companion Cube for nothin’.

She stumbled around, trying to carry it back into the science institute. The door was open a crack. Obviously GLaDOS had slammed it so hard that it was open just enough to get back inside of Aperture. 

Obviously.

Chell was relieved. She could finally see GLaDOS and Wheatley (oh wait, he was in space with Space Core) and ATLAS and P-body…. She was overjoyed. 

“Yay! I’m going to see the enormous sentient supercomputer who kept trying to murder me and two robots who I only saw once and shouldn’t even know the names of! THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!”

How did she just forget that Wheatley is in space? That seems kind of memorable.

The elevator started to head down. Her stomach lurched. Would GLaDOS still try to kill her? 

Maybe you should have thought about that one earlier.

She was Still Alive, and Wanted Her Gone. 

What, no Cara Mia reference?

It was too late now…. Fate had to take its way.

This author’s version of Chell would never have been able to survive testing. “Huh, maybe I shouldn’t have jumped out in front of those turrets. Oh well! I guess fate has to take its way!”

Continue reading here.

38 Responses to “Surviving Middle School at Aperture Science MST”

  1. Progeny Ex Machina Says:

    Seeing “Wheatley” spelled correctly is very disorienting now…

  2. Heh. I tried to read this one and got confused halfway through.

    I wonder how many of the “fans” are friends of the author. Thats what Id like to know.

  3. Came from TV Tropes Says:

    SMaAS alright!

    From the moment Chell managed to FORGET WHEATLEY WAS IN SPACE AFTER ONLY A WEEK, I knew this story would be special.

    Also, the fandom seems divided on whether or not Chell can actually talk. Some have pointed out that Erik Wolpaw said Chell can “probably” speak in a semi-joking manner, and that he’s also said he considered Cara Mia to be non-cannon. Then again, continuity has never been Portal’s strong suit.

    • It’s… special, all right.

      I’ve seen differing opinions (and different portrayals in fanfiction), but my headcanon is that she can talk but just refuses to around all those mean AIs. If I were to write a fic involving her (okay, another fic involving her), I probably wouldn’t have her talk; at least, not much. It kinda bugs me when fanfic writers make her too chatty. I think she’d probably be a pretty quiet person even if she did talk.

      What exactly does he mean by saying he considers Cara Mia Addio to be non-canon? Does he mean he doesn’t consider it to have happened at all, or what? That doesn’t make sense to me :/

      Indeed, Portal ain’t great about continuity.

      • I recall reading she was just meant to be gone to the surface without turret opera.

        My headcannon is that she basically her voice unused for so long she just forgot how to use it. After a while she might be able to figure it out again.

      • Yeah, I think Chell’d probably have to “relearn” speech to an extent.

      • About the Cara Mia thing: If I recall, Ellen Mclain and Mike Morasky made the Turret Opera without his agreement and it wasn’t written in the script – in “His” version of Portal 2, Chell just got straight to the surface. I Think he also said that he believe that Caroline was completly deleted and that GLaDOS was telling the truth when it came for her reasons to let Chell go (He doesn’t believe that GLaDOS likes\Loves\ have motherly affaction toward Chell).

      • Oh, he’s no fun.

      • Came from TV Tropes Says:

        Basically, I can’t remember if this was from the commentary or an interview. He said that Cara Mia pretty much means Caroline is Chell’s mother. He was under the assumption that Ellen McLain was singing “Italian gibberish”, when he found out what it meant he said he doesn’t consider Cara Mia canon. Whether that means the song or the entire turret opera scene is open to interpretation.

      • But then who’s Chell’s father? It can’t be Cave; no way the two of them could produce a kid who looks like Chell. I don’t like the “Chell is Caroline’s daughter” theory. :/

        Ah, whatever, them writers are all cwazay.

      • Well if Potato-GLaDOS wasn’t lying about being unable to lie, she does say that Chell was adopted. And that’s terrible. Then again, it’s hard to tell with her.

      • Gah, I hate it when people are like “Cara Mia prove that Caroline is Chell’s Mother!”. I mean,I know that the lyrics include stuff like “My baby” And “My little girl”, but people CAN have motherly affaction toward someone without the legal\genetic connaction -hell, that makes it sweeter. I have very little respect for Caroline if the only reason she let Chell go is becuase Chell was her womb-spawn.

        And I agree about the Cave and Caroline thing, they are both cleary Caucasians (A good name for a band?) ,where Chell is well, not. There are huge timeline problems with this idea ,too. We don’t know exacly when Chell was born, but considering the chlidish writing on Chell’s bring your daughter to work day project and how she looks in the first game (that happen in 200-) I’ll say the 80’s, maybe early 90’s. Cave was either dead or an insane old man by this point, and Caroline was probably in her 50’s (or even older) – and a child in that age is really REALLY unlikely .

        I don’t see why Chell needs to be the child of a specific Aperture Scientist\ Worker that we know, not everybody is related. If she HAS to be, I prefer Doug Rattman (makes more sense timeline-wise) or maybe Greg (has a daugher in at least one AU, never seen- so he might be non-white). But in my headcanon, she’s just the child of a minor, unimportant, Aperture worker.

      • Totally agreed. The stuff in the lyrics to Cara Mia can be interpreted however the hell you want — who says it even has to be maternal affection? And it definitely is sweeter if they aren’t related.

        The timeline has been retconned so many times and is so screwy that I’m not even sure what happened when anymore, but the dates definitely don’t seem to line up.

        I’m not much of a fan of the “Rattman is Chell’s father” idea, because I think the relationship between the two of them works better if they aren’t related (he did stick her into a pretty perilous situation by doing what he did, after all, and I like that he seems to view her almost as a goddess of tenacity — if you think she’s his kid, things get messier and weirder and I think the story works really nicely as is). My headcanon and yours agree; I figure Chell’s just the daughter of some unimportant employee, which makes the story cooler in a way. The idea that she’s Cave and Caroline’s daughter and that the events of the games are somehow “fulfilling her destiny” seems way too clichéd. It’s more interesting if she’s just a highly stubborn but otherwise normal person.

      • I dont know where I got this idea, but I once thought that Chell might’ve been the daughter of the Janitor Bob mentioned in the commentary. Someone who’s not the brightest person around but tenacious enough to keep the place going.

      • I actually really like that idea. :D

      • Wait, can the janitor take part of BYDtW Day? and as part of the science project thingy the kids did?

        But the idea IS cute

      • I don’t know, but it’s Aperture Science, so who knows? Nothing has to make that much sense when it comes to that company!

      • Well, Wheatley did comment about “manual labourers,” but knowing him …

  4. It’s interesting how even a person that doesn’t know that much about Portal (such as me) can see that this is… bad.

  5. This version of Chell… I’m almost expecting her to say “#YOLO” after everything she does.

  6. The roleplayer of canon!Chell I constantly referenced once said on her Formspring that she doesn’t believe in fate because those who believe in fate can’t take responsibility for their own actions.

  7. CandycornVampire Says:

    The ‘humor’ in this fic hurts my brain. It reminds me of that Girlz n Games comic.

  8. I’m in middle school and I write better than this. I do think canon!Chell may be a little anti-social, after all, Chell has lived a food portion of her life with people and robots who are hardly sane. The humor is bland, needs less cake and more science!

  9. BoomerangFlower123 Says:

    I am the one who wrote this story. NO, I AM NOT A GIRL. I am aware that this story was terrible. But REALLY? For one, I said SEVERAL TIMES that it was BASED OFF OF MY SCHOOL. NO ONE WAS MEANT TO BE IN CHARACTER. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE STUPID. AND FINALLY, IT WAS MY FIRST FANFICTION!!!!!
    I’m aware of the criticism I got. And I seriously can’t believe this. Thanks for that. Hope you’re happy.

    • BoomerangFlower123 Says:

      Although, i have to give you credit… your extra notes actually make this story funny. Trust me, a story like this won’t be coming from me EVER again.

    • Whoa. Don’t take this too seriously.

    • Hi, BF123!

      First, sorry I got your gender wrong. I corrected my mistake in later chapters after a friend and I determined your gender; I tend to default to thinking fanfic writers are girls because, well, most fanfic writers are girls.

      I know it was supposed to be based off your school and so on, but I wonder why you didn’t just write about your school if that’s what you wanted to do. In later chapters, especially (note I’ve only read up to chapter 10), there’s so little relation to Portal and Portal 2 that it might as well be original fiction save for the names. The beginning chapters, before they’re in middle school bodies, feel like they should be more in character since everything was firmly in the Portal universe.

      I can see someone writing about the Portal characters in middle school, keeping them in-character, and making it funny. I can see someone writing about their middle school hijinks and making it funny. What you did was somewhere in-between, which just got confusing. That’s mainly why I ran the story here.

      I know it’s your first fanfic, too. And hey — the first fanfic I wrote was no masterpiece either. (It’s also the only fanfic I ever completed, actually.) No doubt you were aware of the criticism; every writer gets some, it’s nothing personal. (If it IS personal, it’s not good criticism!)

      Sorry if the MST rubbed you the wrong way — it’s just meant to be funny. I’m not trying to attack you or your friends. If I was in middle school when I got into Portal, and I had friends who shared my interest, we likely would have RPed as the characters too, and it’s possible one of us would have written about it. Though probably not me.

      Peace out, hope we’re cool, and good luck with any future fanfiction endeavors!

  10. You know, I think I’m going to switch from Cakez to something not related to cake. I don’t want it anymore. Blegh, at least I can read this. Sort of like if one of my classmates actually made a story out of the crap Hunger Games character he made, it would be spelled right mostly but still be pretty terrible.

  11. LOL, coming back here… After you know it’s a trollfic, and looking at my *coughpurposelycough* childish comments… It was my first troll, and successful! *yay*

  12. For my birthday, I want a cake like in Portal (No, not the core’s recipe, ) and it would be CHOCOLATE!!!!!!

  13. Canon!Chell would have never gone back to that damned fiery hell pit where Satan himself resides, torturing sinners with the maddening grinding of teeth and the screams of those burning in the lowest level of hell.

  14. Hey theskepkitty, I’m a big fan of yours and love reading your MSTs all the time! You have been an inspiration to me and I hope to do great MSTs of my own just like you. ^-^ However, I have a question to ask, and hopefully you could answer it. I was wondering how to make an author-insert or author-based O.C. without them being a Mary Sue? I’m writing a story of my own and would like to add a character like such, but I want to make sure she won’t end up a Mary Sue. THAT WOULD BE TERRIBLE ;_;

    • Oh, hey, I’m sorry to be getting back to you so late!

      Treat the author-insert like any other character. You need to understand their flaws as well as their strengths, and you need to be able to view them objectively rather than getting too attached to the character because it’s a self-insert. I don’t know your reasons for wanting to write such a character, and in general I don’t recommend it, but if you absolutely must, be sure you aren’t giving them special treatment.

      Glad you like the blog!

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